Wanting

It was never really that good
but it was better then I had it
better then what I have now
but no where near as good as it gets
still the memory shows smiling faces, hips and thighs
thoughts of what could have been
the memories that just wont die
it's the background on the my canvas of pain
a ship that I try to paint to pass on
angry because I did not put up a fight
the harbor was raided with my ship sinking
I drowned waiting for a white flag that never came
Instead I receive hasty looks and glares
like noting had happened
now as I look back, I wish nothing had happened
so now the joy ends, the pain sets back in
of how I got played because
I never knew the game plan
broken and taken up a defeatus attitude
How could I win
was the wrong question I answered
Instead of looking above
I sunk even deeper
I'm tired of looking down
I want to see my reflection
in another woman's eye